Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
