John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
