Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
