He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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