I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the condom got lost in my hair
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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