Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
