he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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