Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
