i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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