Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
