I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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