just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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