your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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