It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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