I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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