oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
