Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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