I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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