respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize