She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
