he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize