Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
