i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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