Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
