if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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