I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
