i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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