her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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