the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
