closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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