you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
