I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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