So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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