Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
