Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
