I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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