We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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