I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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