Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
