wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
