Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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