there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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