I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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