I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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