Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
