God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
