My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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