mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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