Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
