why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I supernannyed him into submission
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
