I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
