I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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