What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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