My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
