I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
