Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
