I'm so fucking centered right now
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
