i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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