He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
