apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
