Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
