The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
