I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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