I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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