I'm really into asian looking animals
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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