When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
