I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
