Sry I called you an 8
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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